Author's Notes: Epiphany

[faege]

First off, I'd like to thank geckoholic who was generous enough to make such lovely art and who put up with me pushing back the posting date over and over (and over).

I also owe thanks to jacyevans for beta-ing this monster at the eleventh hour, making me laugh out loud with her comments, and always encouraging me to move forward.

Lastly, thank you to mimblexwimble, who took a crack at this story last summer, when it was just starting to be a story, and threw a ton of ideas at me until some of them stuck.

What you just read was a story that took three very different forms over the two years it was being written. It started out as a collection of scenes, each one based on a track from Enya's And Winter Came album (which you can listen to here). Some of those scenes made it into the final version of the story: Sam wandering in the snow at night, the tree lot, the party, and of course, Christmas Day. In its first form, this was supposed to be a story with Christmas at its center. In the end, it grew to be more than that, but not different, I think.

The end was always going to be tragic for Sam. I tried to give as many hints as I could, but if you're still wondering, Sam doesn't die at the end. He waits until he can't hold out any longer and finally gives in to the powers. It's horrible, yes, because Sam chooses to face his worst fear so that Dean doesn't have to, but it also leaves Dean with some sort of purpose. So there's that. Please don't kill me.

The title takes a bit more explanation. First off, some background. Epiphany comes from the Greek word epiphaneia, which means "manifestation" or "appearance," generally used to mean the appearance of a deity to a human. The Christian church uses the word to specifically refer to the manifestation of God as a human being in the form of Jesus Christ, celebrated as a religious holiday on January 6th. The most common use of the word, though, refers to a sudden realization of great truth, an intuitive grasp of reality through something striking.

This story is called Epiphany because the word encompasses everything that Sam and Dean go through. Sam is faced with the manifestation of something divine in his own body. He and Dean are the humans watching the divine come down--and realizing they're unable to stop it. Sam's gift to Dean at the very end is understanding, comprehension, through wonder. He allows Dean a glimpse into the reality that humans live with every day without seeing. His gift, really, is an epiphany. It's mostly coincidence that Sam said yes to his powers on January 6th. I knew he had to go, but, sue me, I didn't want him to leave Dean on Christmas. So he left on the Feast of Epiphany. Tissues, anyone?

Now to talk about me. Ahem.

This is the longest story I've written. Ever. I think the huge sense of accomplishment that I'm supposed to be feeling will settle in later. For now, just know that behind this wall of text is a girl who is freaking out about her character arcs and storyline, who worries about whether it's "hand wave" or "handwave," and who really, really hopes you like what she's written.

Because, ultimately, this story is for you.

Merry Christmas.

Comments

[cappy712.livejournal.com]

thank you again, thank you. I'm still crying and I love the music as well.

I would like more (I know that's asking for a great deal) - This was a beautiful amazing story and I thank you for sharing it.

[faege.livejournal.com]

Thank you! It's always nice to hear from such appreciative readers. :D

[geckoholic]

It's been my pleasure, honey. Still sure I couldn't get anything else done. :(

[faege.livejournal.com]

No, no, what you did was great! ;D I actually look legit!

[geckoholic]

Sorry, not sure, lol. And heeh, glad you're happy with it, little as it was! ;D

[(Anonymous)]

I totally agree. The story is amazing. I did need tissues before the end. I hate that Dean was left alone (even if he has others around him, he is ultimately alone). He knows where his brother is. How will he not try to follow?

[faege.livejournal.com]

Thank you! Dean being abandoned was hard to write, but I think that of the two options, they ended up with the best deal for Dean--Sam trapped in his body, alive, instead of dead and in the ground. Having Sam out there somewhere would give Dean purpose, I think.

[mentholpixie.livejournal.com]

I am completely heartbroken (in a good way, I promise!). This story took over my life these last few days and as the end grew near... well, I knew I'd need tissues. I was torn between desperately wanting to read how it ended and not wanting to know. Of course, I had to know and... gah, it was all so beautifully tragic or tragically beautiful - both, I think. I loved it and I know it's going to be one of those stories that sticks with me forever. Thank you for writing it.
(I don't know if it's "hand wave" or "handwave" either.)

[faege.livejournal.com]

I loved it and I know it's going to be one of those stories that sticks with me forever.

Thanks for such kind words! Things like that make the struggle of writing it completely worth it. :D

[sylvaniae.livejournal.com]

Wow, that was so amazingly done, and I really, really loved the symbolism that you put in here, especially the hints of it coming from Sam himself. I was so sad to see Sam leave, but I do hope he will remain conscious enough within the more angelic form to keep an eye on Dean. You kept them so in character to a T, and it felt like they were living and breathing through the words. Also, I do love that you kept with the Epiphany theme throughout, even to Sam letting go on the very day of Epiphany. That is actually my favorite holiday because of how we celibrate it in our church. We go outside in the cold and sing the last verse of Joy to the World on the street corner with our lit candles.

[faege.livejournal.com]

Thank you! I'm so pleased the story came to life for you. And your Epiphany service sounds absolutely beautiful. :)